Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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