u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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