yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
