Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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