She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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