can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
