i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't deserve a penis
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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