I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
