neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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