You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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