I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo