afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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