Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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