If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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