Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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