Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
