I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
