Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
