I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
