U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize