I faked an abortion last night.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.