i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
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all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl