I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
