Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
