Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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