You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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