No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
