I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
