at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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