I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
