All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
