OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
