they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
