you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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