Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
