so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
