Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and she was petting her beer can
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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