i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
