Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
