is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
