i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
