I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
