If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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