Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
