I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
