the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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