u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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