Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
