Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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