I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
