Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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