My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
