Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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