Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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