How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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