The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
