there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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