I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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