Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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