eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
