Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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